The Dance
They were probably together right now, walking arm in arm to the dance, laughing at each other’s witty comments and at little Mo and her stupidity. And soon they’d be swinging around the dance floor, Patty sticking her perky breasts under Les’s nose and putting her hands where she had no business putting them. So yeah, good riddance. She was better off without Les. She should celebrate; she could do all sorts of things, now that Les wasn’t holding her back. Like ask others out.
So why did she feel so lousy? Why didn’t she feel like doing anything? Why couldn’t she get Les out of her mind? Mo squeezed her eyes shut. Because she flaming-well cared about Les, that’s why. And now she’d ruined it. Sure, Les eventually would have tired of her and found another girlfriend, but they could have stayed together until that happened.
No, she was kidding herself. Patty had said Les was only staying around out of kindness, and sure enough, at the first opportunity, Les had started getting cozy with someone else. And who could blame her? Out of the blue, her girlfriend of three years had practically dumped her. Why wouldn’t she move on? But would she have moved on at all if they hadn’t had that conversation on Wednesday? Mo squeezed her eyes shut again. Argamon, she was so confused!
Someone tapped at the bedroom door. Mo rolled over so she was facing away from it and shouted, “Come in.”
The door opened. “Are you okay?” Mama asked.
“I’m fine,” Mo muttered.
“Are you sure? You didn’t touch your dessert. And it’s not like you to shut yourself in your room. Should I beep a physician?”
“I’m okay.”
Silence, then, “Aren’t you going to a dance tonight? Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”
Mo’s chin quivered. She’d have to explain why Les wouldn’t be coming around anymore. Les and I have decided to cool things for a bit, she imagined herself saying, but only for an instant. She trusted Mama; she didn’t like lying to her, and she didn’t much like lying to herself. “Mama, I think I’ve done something stupid.”
The door clicked shut. “You haven’t committed a violation, because I would have been notified by now.”
“It’s nothing like that.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
“Yeah.”
The mattress sank as Mama sat down. A moment later her fingers brushed Mo’s arm. “What did you do?”
“I told Les I didn’t want to go the dance with her. But I did want to go to the dance with her.” It sounded even more stupid when she said it out loud.
“Oh.” Mama paused. “Why did you tell her you didn’t want to go if you really did?”
“We’re not Chosens.” That wasn’t the only reason. It wasn’t even the main reason. But it was the least embarrassing reason.
“I don’t understand,” Mama said.
“We shouldn’t act like Chosens when we aren’t.”
“How have you been acting like Chosens?”
Did she have to explain everything? “We’ve been together for a while. And we only see each other.”
“Oh, Mo.” Mama rubbed Mo’s arm. “So you’re dating, and you only want to date each other right now. You’re seventeen. If you were twenty-four I’d be concerned, but seventeen?” She squeezed Mo’s shoulder and leaned over to touch her cheek to Mo’s. “Don’t worry about it. You’re young. Enjoy yourself. Beep Lesley and tell her you’ll go to the dance after all.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s going with someone else.” Mo’s face crumpled as reality hit. “She . . . another girlfriend . . . I saw them,” she said between sobs.
Mama straightened and rubbed Mo’s back. “What do you mean? She has another girlfriend already?”
Mo nodded, sniffling into her hands.
“When did you tell her you didn’t want to go to the dance?”
“Wednesday.”
“And on Friday she has a new girlfriend? That doesn’t sound like Lesley.”
The mattress squeaked and lifted slightly. Mo heard a drawer slide open. Mama swam into view and handed her a handkerchief. She sat down where Mo could see her this time.
Mo wiped her eyes and dabbed at her cheeks. “She’s pretty, Mama. It wouldn’t be hard for her to find another girlfriend.”
“She’s pretty, but she’s not insensitive, or spiteful. Are you sure she’s seeing someone else?”
Mo’s hand clenched around the handkerchief. “I saw them together. Yesterday. Having lunch.”
“Yesterday? That’s even worse.” Mama shook her head. “No, I just can’t see it. Have you talked to her about it?”
“No.”
“Well, you should.” Mama reached out and touched Mo’s cheek. “If you don’t want to beep her tonight, go see her tomorrow. Talk to her.”
And apologize for not talking to her in the first place. It would be uncomfortable, but she owed Les that much. Though she’d want to crawl away and die if it turned out Les was seeing Patty, because she couldn’t get Les out of her mind and wanted to be with her all the time. She cared about Les so much—perhaps too much. They weren’t Chosens. Their relationship couldn’t last. Someday, they would have to part. And that terrified her. She couldn’t imagine life without Les. At all.
Her eyes welled up again. “Mama?”
“What?”
“If I ask you a question, will you promise not to get mad at me?”
“I won’t get mad at you.”
“Can you fall in love with someone who isn’t your Chosen?”
Mama’s forehead creased. “We’re talking about Lesley, I presume?”
Mo nodded. Feeling exposed, she hid behind the handkerchief as she blew her nose.
Mama tapped Mo’s nose. “See? Your Mama’s brilliant.”
Mo smiled through her tears. “Well, can you?”